on being the floater friend
I had this problem where I would always feel left out when I hung out with my friend groups. It wasn't limited to just one; when I sought out new friends because I didn't feel connected to my friend group at the time, the same thing happened; I was always in the background. I felt like I wasn't interesting enough for people to care about me.
I tried to be more memorable and outgoing, but it didn't come naturally. It's exhausting to make people who don't really care about you pay attention. I was trying to impress people who only hung out with me because we share a friend group, not because they specifically wanted to hang out with me. I was desperate because I didn't want to feel alone.
I recently reconnected with a friend who I had a falling-out with years ago. Even though our friendship had a rough patch, seeing them for the first time in years felt refreshing. I didn't have to force myself to be outgoing or memorable; they were already interested in what I had to say. I always thought I was a boring person so I was surprised how much they genuinely wanted to be my friend again.
It made me realize that it's a losing battle to try to get people who don't inherently care about you to like you. You can't control what other people think about you, but you can control who you surround yourself with. I'm not a boring person (no one is); I just needed to find people who like me for who I am.
I started to have a lot more fun when I did things for myself instead of following people around. When I picked something I wanted to do myself and invited others to join me, I had a lot more fun. I used to always let other people pick what to do and rarely took my own initiative. When you do things for yourself and trust yourself more, it shows in your self-confidence and your friendships.
It's not other people's responsibility to include me in everything if we are not compatible. I don't think any of the people in these friend groups are bad people and I certainly don't hate them. In the end, I'm responsible for my own happiness, so I need to take charge of my own life instead of following others.